Hey girl hey! That's usually how I greet my friends, colleagues and anyone I don't despise. I put on a constant happy, love life, bubbly persona to solely make the people around me happy. Nobody needs to be burdened by me and my mental health or trauma. I started this blog as a way to express myself and also to document the crazy shit I go through because often times I surpress or sugar coat the rough stuff and I really need to let it out. I used to keep a journal, but my ex-husband (that I'm still married to) took a recording of every page and sent it to my friends to humiliate me one time, so that's cool. I've heard of mommy bloggers and honestly blogging was so new when I was a teen, I really didn't 
understand it. Hell, I still don't. I just know that my therapist told me to write this shit down because I'm going to explode if I don't. Okay, not really, but I'm dramatic, so what do you expect. 
 

I shold probably start from the beginning, but I don't want to right now

02.12.25
Today was weird. It's been over 24 hours of no contact with my narcissitic, abusive, on again/off again, ex. I finally called things off for the 1000th time, but this time I'm not the one crying and chasing back after him. It's weird. When you finally decide you are worth more than how you are being treated, you actually develop disgust and hatrid towards someone that you thought you would spend your life with. It doesn't make it less hurtful or embarassing. At this point, we have done the split, cry, smear campaign, back together cycle so many times that I am numb to it. I can't go to friends or family anymore - they're all sick of the shit too. I told my therapist this realtionship feels like a toxic drug that I literally cannot stop taking a hit off of. I don't want to - I want so badly to be sober. But, something always pulls me back in. I have a bad day? I need him. I'm so happy? I need to tell him. I want help? Ask him. I became so dependent on him that I feel completely lost with him gone. That is honestly nothing new. He loves to run away at any minor inconveinence and I have learned to beg for him back time and time again. We both know how to manipulate the other and to get our way ultimately. 
 

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Viverra mauris in aliquam sem. Eu mi bibendum neque egestas. Donec pretium vulputate sapien nec sagittis aliquam malesuada bibendum arcu. Amet commodo nulla facilisi nullam vehicula ipsum a arcu cursus. Enim tortor at auctor urna. Adipiscing tristique risus nec feugiat in fermentum posuere urna. Tempus quam pellentesque nec nam aliquam sem et tortor. Risus sed vulputate odio ut enim blandit. Amet est placerat in egestas erat imperdiet sed euismod. Urna id volutpat lacus laoreet non. Enim nec dui nunc mattis enim. Consequat interdum varius sit amet mattis.

Aliquet bibendum enim facilisis gravida neque convallis a cras. Egestas diam in arcu cursus euismod. Massa id neque aliquam vestibulum morbi blandit. Amet venenatis urna cursus eget nunc scelerisque viverra mauris. Proin libero nunc consequat interdum varius sit amet mattis. Id diam vel quam elementum pulvinar etiam non. Placerat vestibulum lectus mauris ultrices. Justo nec ultrices dui sapien eget mi. Amet risus nullam eget felis eget nunc lobortis mattis aliquam. Lacinia quis vel eros donec. Arcu odio ut sem nulla. Nam aliquam sem et tortor consequat. Quis risus sed vulputate odio ut. Arcu non sodales neque sodales. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet consectetur adipiscing elit duis. Quis blandit turpis cursus in hac habitasse platea. Nisi vitae suscipit tellus mauris a diam maecenas sed. Magnis dis parturient montes nascetur ridiculus mus mauris. Purus faucibus ornare suspendisse sed.

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Consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Tristique risus nec feugiat in fermentum posuere urna nec. Adipiscing at in tellus integer feugiat scelerisque varius. Gravida neque convallis a cras semper auctor neque. Nunc pulvinar sapien et ligula ullamcorper malesuada proin. Hac habitasse platea dictumst quisque sagittis. Senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac. Amet justo donec enim diam vulputate ut pharetra sit amet. Pulvinar mattis nunc sed blandit. Dolor sed viverra ipsum nunc aliquet bibendum enim facilisis. Ut porttitor leo a diam sollicitudin tempor id eu nisl. Quis risus sed vulputate odio. Tempus quam pellentesque nec nam aliquam sem et tortor.

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Nunc sed augue lacus viverra vitae congue eu. Lacus sed turpis tincidunt id aliquet risus feugiat. Enim lobortis scelerisque fermentum dui faucibus in ornare. Ut tellus elementum sagittis vitae et leo duis ut. Dolor magna eget est lorem ipsum dolor. Eget est lorem ipsum dolor sit amet consectetur adipiscing elit. In hac habitasse platea dictumst quisque sagittis purus. Nec tincidunt praesent semper feugiat nibh sed pulvinar proin gravida. Duis at consectetur lorem donec. Massa eget egestas purus viverra. Dictum sit amet justo donec enim diam vulputate. Amet est placerat in egestas erat imperdiet sed euismod. Ut eu sem integer vitae justo eget.

Eget nunc scelerisque 

Viverra mauris in aliquam sem. Eu mi bibendum neque egestas. Donec pretium vulputate sapien nec sagittis aliquam malesuada bibendum arcu. Amet commodo nulla facilisi nullam vehicula ipsum a arcu cursus. Enim tortor at auctor urna. Adipiscing tristique risus nec feugiat in fermentum posuere urna. Tempus quam pellentesque nec nam aliquam sem et tortor. Risus sed vulputate odio ut enim blandit. Amet est placerat in egestas erat imperdiet sed euismod. Urna id volutpat lacus laoreet non. Enim nec dui nunc mattis enim. Consequat interdum varius sit amet mattis.

Aliquet bibendum enim facilisis gravida neque convallis a cras. Egestas diam in arcu cursus euismod. Massa id neque aliquam vestibulum morbi blandit. Amet venenatis urna cursus eget nunc scelerisque viverra mauris. Proin libero nunc consequat interdum varius sit amet mattis. Id diam vel quam elementum pulvinar etiam non. Placerat vestibulum lectus mauris ultrices. Justo nec ultrices dui sapien eget mi. Amet risus nullam eget felis eget nunc lobortis mattis aliquam. Lacinia quis vel eros donec. Arcu odio ut sem nulla. Nam aliquam sem et tortor consequat. Quis risus sed vulputate odio ut. Arcu non sodales neque sodales. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet consectetur adipiscing elit duis. Quis blandit turpis cursus in hac habitasse platea. Nisi vitae suscipit tellus mauris a diam maecenas sed. Magnis dis parturient montes nascetur ridiculus mus mauris. Purus faucibus ornare suspendisse sed.